Revised Conclusion

Unknown. "Conclusions" 2013
Public Domain

Below, I revise my conclusion paragraph of my draft essay of the rhetorical strategies used in my disciple selected article. I was rather reluctant to revise my original conclusion because I put a lot of work into that "last question" aspect of it, but I guess I needed to make it more effective in readdressing the thesis as well as acknowledging the topic of this assignment. Plus I made it an effort to address my audience in the final few sentences.

Original Conclusion: 

Harmon aimed to portray gene mapping as a medical technology necessary for human advancement as it could document an individual's DNA for a more personalized medical plan. However, she addressed the growing industry for the mapping process among the wealthy as an unethical exploitation of medical resources. By citing statistics that note the decrease in costs for such technology, comparing the wealthy's use of such treatments to those of luxury cars, and repeating the concept that the government should subsidize the research, the author aims to employ rhetorical camouflage to incite a larger population of lower class citizens to urge their governments for equal healthcare access.

New Conclusion:

Gene mapping may well be the future of modern healthcare, but it is unreasonable to assume that the general public will be able to access such cutting edge technology. Financial limitations and growing political division within the healthcare industry has stunted the availability of gene tech to the masses. Amy Harmon, however, argues otherwise and presented numerous statistics that quantified the growing demand in the gene mapping industry. These logistics all note the primary consumer in this market- the wealthy- hoping to instill the idea of a growing "medical inequality". While it is unlikely that her article will bring about civil unrest, forcing governments to provide access to these gene technologies, Harmon effectively use a string of rhetorical strategies to keep this concept of medical "inequality" a lasting thought in her audience. By citing statistics that note the decrease in costs for such technology, questioning the ethics of the wealthy's whimsical use of such treatments, and repeating loaded terminology to evoke an desired emotional response, the author effectively engaged and persuaded her audience so that she may propose her desired solution to this issue. As a medical student, it is imperative that all rhetorical strategies are employed within writing and argumentation. These strategies undoubtedly contribute to the transformation of one's opinionated ideas into more cohesive and supported positions on an issue.